WITHOUT YOU

Too much gone of the day

Yeah you were on your way

Said there was nothing I could say

And I got the drop on you

I see what you do

Just wanna see you run me through

And I don't wanna let you leave

Don't wanna believe that you lied and tried to deceive

Not gonna be alright

Without you

I don't wanna take another drink

I don't wanna think

I just wanna watch you sleep with me

Tell me are you free now that you got yourself far away from me

And I feel like I'm ???

You're pulling me down when you and I can't touch the ground

I'm not gonna be alright

Without you

Take a look back and one day you will see

You are the one that was meant for me

And all the bad seems to fade with time, well it's all in your mind

Why don't you lay your face down on the floor

I won't be around anymore

I won't do that

I won't do that

You watch out

IF YOU"RE LEAVING, TAKE ME WITH YOU

I DON'T WANNA START SOMETHING NEW

LIFE'S A MAZE AND I'M LOST WITHOUT YOU

Are you for real....

Hey you, are you feeling like me too? I need to get an answer out of you, well all the days all the time all the lies, lie on the line did you just try to set me off?
well yeah ya know I'm easy and I know it's true, that this situation isn't so easy on you

Hey you, is there truth behind your lies? Is all this love or is it compromise? well all the days all the time no regrets you're on my mind, did you just try to set me off? well yeah this awkward silence feels so cold and used... is this infatuation or am I addicted to you?

Hey you, tries and trust and planned out deception. The look in your eyes verbal dissection lose myself in you. And then sex then rejection Self destruct in you arms as your words stacks kill, are you for real? Are you for real? Are you for real? .

Hey you, are you feeling lonely too? I need to get some answers, some answers....

Cause I need to know what you want, I wonder how you feel, and I need to know what you want, I can not guess anymore... are you for real? are you for real? are you for real?

Pigs died when my heart broke into a million crying maggots....
My stomach has butterflies that are all sick and dying slow as they try to fly around in the
sickness of heart breaks and stomach pain caused by the all so dying heart....

The butterflies are fragile just like my heart is..they die soon so will my heart....
My soul seems to be lost and it cant find a home i drive and it seems endless....
My smile is so plastic that i hate looking at myself in the mirror due to that plastic fake smile..
My legs feel like they dont have blood running through them anymore and i dont feel tired even if i had to walk 300km's.....
It seems that life is bitter even though it seems super sweet but through the eyes of my family,you,loved ones and friends but it goes away the minute they have to return to their own ways.....I wish for a falling star to hit me hard so that i could be so wishfull....

At time's i feel like i go through days without knowing that days are passing by...it scares me...

So much for german pork knuckle's and good german beer......so long so far away...

?

its weird how soft our hearts & feelings are....at times i wish i could be just cold and not care about anything...

I try my best to change to suit things around you,but never do you actually care to take note on the changes rather you just pick on the negative part only...

I really dont get it when people argue all their mind is set on is the bad & negative part...
I'm not saying that i'm a perfect saint and that i just focus on the good i do that also, but after awhile it hits me that our time is short why argue and just get more worked up on things. I tend to look at the good times that we had which mellows the anger and all...

Changes changes changes it takes two hands to clap if one tries to change why cant the other half see that and also try to change his or her ways???
Yeah it might be said that chances were given before and all...but nobody is perfect and sometimes people do realize it too late,maybe i did if i'm all super wrong for being worried about your certain habit's and what not....

Another thing is anybody and everybody will agree that no matter how good a guy friend is, it does not me that you can just be with him all the time just because he's your best bud and what not...there's lines which we should not cross...feeling are involved here...to make matter's worse you lie....which you cant explain why....my heart has been broken already but the lies which now makes want to know the answer why...If there's nothing why lie....the only reason people lie is because they have something to hide...I want to talk things out you dont give a chance or you get angry all the time or you just say that i say what i want to say and you dont get your point out...well if and only you could be calm and see things in apositive and talk things instead of the negative way...
so many tears so many heart breaks so many scars so many questions without an answer....
if a wrong doing is on your part things will be turn around to make it seem that it was my wrong doing instead of yours....just because your angry you said harsh hurtfull words but if i get angry and do the same i'll get even more for not thinking before i speak but you are allowed to do so...
I haveno where to run or go to...I'll face the music and i'll see things through...i dont run away from things even though i cant handle it....you easy angry run away drink it away and act like nothing ever happen...Is that the way??? then lie through your nose...but lil do you know that i have eyes all around and i'm not stupid to know if your lying....you always say this now let me say this ohh please just grow up...your not under 21 to be acting like that all the time and when you one you just be matured for the moment....I try my best to understand you,i work hard to make sure bill's are paid...But you just can't be honest towards to me....
As much as i want to pull the plug a lil voice keeps saying dont be like you...try too see things through...after all how long can you run away from things???
There's so much i want to say to you but you just wont listen but on the other hand you want me to listen to you...

Its like neither one of us will ever change,we're both the same, and that's a shame....cause when we were together it was right we had it all, you and I....

I really don't know what to do...I'm at the end...as much as i wanted to stop you i stopped my self from doing so...you left and you came back to sleep...I was happy as long your safe even though you had to puke so much..... let's just see what later and the days to come has in store for me,you & us.....Let's say hello tommorow.....and good bye to yesterday...

Honesty works the best...all could have been good if and so honesty was used....

New Ink

Some words for to remember and remind myself when I'm angry.take it as lesson to be learned or reminder to myself....

-Listen Hard-
-Speak Soft-

Maybe I'll get this inked on me as a constant reminder.

take care and much love,
Ian Dias

Date's to remember

August the 15th 2009, you were born into this world at 1000hrs something..joy to the world

Two months later on...

October 24th 2009, we drove all the way to Johor to get you from your breeders...

Come this November 15th 2009 you will be 3months old...
You are one bundle of joy with a full charge level of energy that will never stop...
You smell like shit some times and that's because you sit on your own shit but we still love you...
You made me broke but you give me love which at time's i cant handle myself..but its cool
You like to dig up my garden and i do hope you stop soon as i love my garden...
You always seem to be happy even though your face looks like you wanna rip me apart...
You cant never stop doing that ngam ngam thingy with your jaw and best part your still running on your milk teeth

Tinkerbell i love you loads....

ps:internet connection sucks big time hence cant upload a picture of her...

Nice Guys Finish Last...

Perhaps...or is it a fact...
if its a sure true fact then Bill Gates is one hell of a badass...
hence Microsoft is evil :0

When your heart stops beating

She's a pretty girl. She's always falling down.
And I think I just fell in love with her,
But she won't ever remember, remember.
And I can always find her at the bottom of a plastic cup.
Drowning in drunk sincerity.
A sad and lonely girl.
Quit crying your eyes out.
Quit crying your eyes out and, Baby come on.
Isn't there something familiar about me?
The past is only the future with the lights on.
Quit crying your eyes out, Baby.
And she said,
I think we're running out of alcohol. Tonight, I hate this fucking town.
And all my best friends will be the death of me,
But they won't ever remember, remember.
So please take me far away, before I melt into the ground.
And all my words get used against me.
This sad and lonely girl.
Quit crying your eyes out.
Quit crying your eyes out and, Baby come on.
Isn't there something familiar about me?
The past is only the future with the lights on.
Quit crying your eyes out, Baby.
Quit crying your eyes out.
Quit crying your eyes out and, Baby come on.
Isn't there something familiar about me?
The past is only the future with the lights on.
Quit crying your eyes out...
Isn't there something familiar about me?
Quit crying your eyes out.
The past is only the future with the lights on.
So quit crying your eyes out, Baby...

Curb my mind into a liquid dream of a man

you can catch me on the West Coast, with a fly-ass stripper tied to my bed-post lookin' like Alicia Keys on her knees, lickin' the bag, just for a freeze

I reckon and bet you that, that's a sure A+ plus dream come true for every men...

But the fact remains it may not be Alicia Keys or Megan Fox...Just some random girl...
it will still be a dream come true for every men...maybe Sir Elton John also...

rhymes out of boredom...which kinda becomes word of the day.

Pam The Onion's birthday

I don't really do birthdays like in write about them,
but having this really up & down feeling running around my soul as i tried to keep
myself busy by clicking through facebook and i found out that it was Pam Choo's birthday...so with much energy i clicked on her profile,and without must thinking i started to write her a birthday poem which went like this:

**happy birthday with snails as candles on your birthday cake and as you blow them off fairies will fly away with hot flaming pink thongs and flying pigs with bow & arrows shooting at the stars for a speacial someone like you on this very special day whereby 25 years ago your ass landed on this earth on a lil not so tiny island called penang***


well i just had to get this down on my blog cause i'm kinda like doing a online journal of my life and the people around me and everything we could ever think about...
or cant think about...
well again happy birthday to you pam the onion choo

Beauty in the cage of ugliness

Beauty in the cage of ugliness

Well ‘beauty in the cage of ugliness’ best describes a lot of things in life and how we feel and all…current love & hate situations of two beings, being neglected by loved ones, feeling unwanted by family & society, being a beautiful person inside of you but feeling ugly on the out side due to peer pressure and the alarming rate of trying to fit in…well the it goes on and on with just such simple words as the ‘beauty in the cage of ugliness’

At the moment ‘beauty in the cage of ugliness’ would best fit my current love for a certain Pitbull…yes it’s Tinkerbell..reason being why I used ‘beauty in the cage of ugliness’ for her is because of the public media and how this particular breed of dogs are condemned just because of their natural aggression and strong fighting instinct.

If you were to really look into this breed and understand them deeply you will see a whole new world. Yes I cant help but agree on all the things said about the breed but
there’s always two side’s of the coin.

She is one hell of a all ready kick ass dog ready and up for everything and is not timid at all…maybe it be a loud bike passing by other puppies would run for hell, but nop not this one…she stands strong by herself not fearing a single thing..

There’s a lot going on with her and that breed that needs more understanding rather then a quick ohh that’s a killer breed…
So to all the haters don’t hate the game hate the player (I know its sounds so O.G at the moment)

In the end its how you would interpret ‘beauty in the cage of ugliness’ to me this is just one of the ways I would shout it out loud...

My Dream...

I WANT TO BE A : Rock Star/ Ninja/ Fashionista/ Jedi Warrior

heaven of a nirvana...

whoa its been freaking shit load of days and months since i ever wrote here...
but anyways its not like anyone reads my shit here...prrffttt..

well been super busy with loft57 and keeping it up...
good news is Penguin warrior julia the chef has won a silver medal in the recent fhm...woot woot for her...lets pray & hope she has time for herself,me and everything around her...

apart from that the 9 fighting koi's are doing way good in their heaven below there in the pond...fat they are....the garden in the city which is the garden area for loft 57 is looking good..just a bit short on cash for further higher end pots and plants which i'll fix up later on...need time to work up for that money...yeaaa hioooww...

Been thinking alot about opening some kinda business which i'll not say it here cause someone might just steal that idea away, yeah i know in the early part of this blog i said that no ones reads this page but you may never know....they are watching you...

Been playing alot with my guitar Ms Aerial these days and the past few months or so..been getting loads of material up but no words to go along...writers/musician block i reckon...I still heart my heart out for a Ibanez Iceman...ohh well if i could i would like a Fender Mustang also...Heaps of love for those guitars..

Ok maggots thanks for wasting your time in reading my lil rant of the month....much love now....

.........

Drink up my dear, your time has come.
can you feel the darkness rising above you?
you're not going home tonight.
just speak these words, "theres no place like home".
now you're mine and no one else can please me but you.
ladies and gentlemen, put your hands together, for tonights main attraction has arrived.
snap. stomp. clap. fuck.
the four true demandments hold true.
i suppose i'll ask you to dance.
join me for a smoke outside i says.
this i tell myself, might bring opportunity.
i'm so lame today.
relax, this is just a detour.
look at her she's so fine.
beat me if you can, survive if i let you.
now i know why you listen to poison, my little rose, my little thorn...
life should be more like nba jam with michael jordan
when all is lost you can still hit a nine pointer in the clutch

welcome back!!!

Its been ages since i actually wrote or blogged anything..well been super busy with life work & work & work & the new house which we decided to name it LOFT57..

its looking really nice and super duper sweet,not to mention the fact that theres no furnitures or any of the basic needs but we are doing mighty fine.

I also kinda got a new hobby which is keeping koi's or japanese carp, this lil hobby has turned into a mighty crave whereby i actually joined a koi forum.

I would love to upload some neat pics of the house but i cant seem to find the pics of the house...i would or maybe do a before after pics of the house soon..it depends also...

i'm getting a bit sleepy now...will write more in the daisy days to come...

cheers now...

a note to myself..

Here's a very sweet thingy that i love to hear at this moment..
"VIVA LAS DIAS"

keep that in mind for future ideas & so on....

A melody, a memory, or just one picture...

Simple yet,go figure it out..

Smile away,laugh away...

Just something that i saw online that really cracked the shit out of me...
Kind of a come back blog report after being missing for some time...

Facts

A good friend will come and bail you out of jail; but a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn ... That was fun!"

-Taken away-

ODE TO MY CAR

A car is suppose to be a real good friend and companion to a man.
It is suppose to be there when a man needs some loving from a piece of metal with a metal heart.Its suppose to comfort a man and at the same time give him the satisfaction he needs and the pride when he drives that metal beast. Its suppose to make him happy when the female counter part of his life is not there or makes him sad. A car would never hurt him or cheat on him it will be as faithful as he ever wanted it to be. With much tender loving care he puts into it the car it would always give him back heavy metal 101%

Basically a car is like a toy for the big boys which they go on and on talking about it,day dreaming about,having visions and at the same time it gives man that motivation to work harder in life just so he could buy that rim come end of the month or that new e-manage system.

I gave my car all the tender loving care I could ever give to a piece of metal. I basically gave my life for the car, lived my life for the car. Spent countless hours and money for that car. I actually gave it a name which is Voodoo. I actually wanted to get a tattoo of it on my body some fuckin where. I stood under the rain for it when it had leaks, cleaned it every time I got back from driving it. Cleaned its heart the engine every week. Spent hours just having wet car visions of what I want for it. Had fights and arguments with my better half just because of the car, fought with my family cause I was standing up for the car that they thought was not worth it. Got my fingers all hard due to the hard waxing I gave the car. Made the carwash guys richer by sending it in for a vacuum and wash every now and then. I was there for the car all the time……

In the end of it all what did it give me in return was I like ever happy with the final end project was it there for me when I needed it for a long drive was it there for me when I needed to face the harsh hot jam of downtown kuala Lumpur? When I raced it all it did was give me a 3 360degree spin out and two lamppost that I hit as hard you could hit knocking your lights out,lights out sucker..

It was a wild beast of a bitch this car, but it could never give me the comfort or the basic need of ride. Yes it gave me all the thrills and wicked G-forces you could ever ask from a metal heart but comfort was never there.

After all the love spent and money wasted I have to say that it’s a piece of shit car!!!

Here’s a ode to my car…


Here we go

Piece of shit car
I got a piece of shit car
That fuckin' pile of shit
Never gets me very far

My car's a big piece of shit
'Cause the shocks are fucking shot
And my seatbelt's fucking broken
I got to tie it in a knot
(It's a piece of shit)

I can't see through the windshield
'Cause it's got a big fucking' crack
And the interior smells real bad
'Cause my friend puked in the back
(It's a piece of shit)

(Piece of shit car)
Piece of shit car
(He's got a piece of shit car)
It sucks royal dick
(That fuckin' pile of shit)
100% crap
(Never gets him very far)
Oh fuck you car

It's got no CD player, it only got the 8-track
Whoever designed my car can lick my sweaty nut sack
(They can bite his ass too)
And I got no fuckin' brakes
I'm always way out of control
Eleven times a day I hear "Hey, watch it asshole"
(You fuckin' piece of shit)

(Piece of shit car)
I got piece of shit car
(He got a piece of shit car)
Diesel gas sucks my ass
(That fuckin' pile of shit)
That pile of metal shit
(Never gets him very far)

Oh what the fuck did I do
What the fuck did I do
What the fuck did I do
To get stuck with you
You're too wide for drive-thru
And you smell like the shoe
But I'm too broke to buy something new
Oh fuck me

Well the engine likes to flood
The car always fuckin' stalls
And the seat cushion's got a big rip
So a spring always pokes the balls
(Ouch, ouch, ouch)
Plus the door locks are busted
I gotta use a fucking coat hanger
(What a pain in his ass)
And if a girlie sees my car
There's no chance I'll ever bang her
(He never ever gets da pussy)
Hey shut up
(Piece of shit car)
You piece of shit car

(You got a piece of shit car)
You piece of shit car
(Piece of shit car)
Bald fuckin' tires
(You got a piece of shit car)
No rearview fucking mirror
(Piece of shit car)
Seven different colors
(You got a piece of shit car)
Fucking rag for a gas cap
(Piece of shit car)
Tailpipe makes the sparks fly everywhere
(You got a piece of shit car)
(Piece of shit car)
(You got a piece of shit car)
(Piece of shit car)
Oh the whole town thinks I'm a loser
(You got a piece of shit car)
Cabby give me a push
(Piece of shit car...)

Flying Flaming Thongs

Just think....

Kittens Inspired by Kittens

doonnnnnntttt!!!

Frank Lloyd Wright

“I know the price of success: dedication, hard work and an unremitting devotion to the things you want to see happen.”
Frank Lloyd Wright (American Architect and Writer) 1867-1959

Strong words of wisdom from a man that i have looked up too...

BECOK COOBOOT BENCHONG

Kills,Thrills & Sunday Pills
You Kiss Me Like An Over Dramatic Actor...

WORD OF THE DAY....

Mirror,mirror on the wall

Just a heavy thought,
Just imagine all the stories a mirror could tell you if you could talk to it or it could find some way to pen out all the things that the mirror has seen through all those years.

Just imagine you always think that you see yourself in the mirror but what about all the things the mirror has seen.

Glory Days of hot flames that get killed by spring water

rain ends to what was a glorious day
to what it might give birth to we never will know
when to good comes worse,the bad comes to god

as it rains i feel that it takes away what is bad and gives us a new life
all apologies are...will that surface between the black and white or just hide in between those gray areas???

amuse me make me laugh make me cry make me think make me feel pain make me feel happy
all these can be done with those drops of water we call rain that comes from the higher above kingdoms that we never know...

Then said the jack to bruno that a change would do you good under the hot sun during one of those warm summer days...

Tone-DEAF

I'm in love with a girl next door
she gets me by all the time
I'm in love with her long smooth hair
she gets me high all the time
I'm in love with her sweet sweet smile
she gets me soft all the time
I'm in love with her big big eyes
she gets me all excited over and over again
I'm in love with her husky voice
she gives me the shivers all the time
I'm in love with the girl next door
and i hope that she loves me too


Will she ever know
Will she ever know
Will she ever know

* I have lyrics now but i don't have a tune....
* When i have a tune i don't have lyrics...

The Rhyme Of Lawyer & A Poet

Mary had a little pig,
She kept it fat and plastered;
And when the price of pork went up,
She shot the little bastard.

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
Between two hunks of bread.

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
All the kings' horses and all the kings' men
Had scrambled eggs for breakfast again.

Georgie Porgy Puddin' and Pie,
Kissed the girls and made them cry.
And when the boys came out to play,
He kissed them too, 'cause he was gay.

There was a little girl who had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was good, she was very, very good.
But when she was bad ...
she got a fur coat, jewels, a waterfront
apartment, and a sports car.

KONDO RACING

I have to say that today the 17th of January 2009 was a very awesome day, as i manage to hang out and chill out with Mr Masahiko Kondo & Mr Seiji Ara from KONDO RACING...Ohh boy was i full of question and what not... Its not everyday that you get a chance like this to hang out with awesome people like them...May i remind you that Mr Masahiko "cool" Kondo who is the director for kondo racing was one whacky cool fuck...look him on the net and you find a serious guy but in real life he is as whacked as me...not forgetting his afro-do that he had going on...As for Mr Seiji Ara the humble and easy going race driver for kondo racing...I'm still in the shock mode..it really made my day...It was like a sign from the heavens that there's hope...

Well we did exchange alot and had loads in common also in car views and engines...Was asked to keep in touch with them,who knows next round in June when they come back we go drinking.....Maybe a lil'tour of the local car scene over here...

After all that i saw them off on their flight MH070 back to Narita.....

To label or not to label???

Do stuff that sells or stuff that only the hardcore of the hardcore will come...but in the end the mass index will still be the mass media and the every changing style and ways of life...rather then the nomad hardcore that has just a certain style or way of life....

Bottom line to be a sell out and live large or be that ever I stand alone nomad...

Loads of weird ideas are running through my mind these day or you might say these few months....Guess being alive for the past 25 years have finally grew fruits of ideas and wicked,weird tunes that i can understand what more the world...But when i think about or have it played in my head....It fuckin kicks the shit of your asshole...

Word of the day you will never know if you don't try....
It's the same with love...it's like taking that 1st jump with your 12inch bmx frame across that 6feet ramp and never knowing how would you land of flip the fuck of your bike....

I need to break this void that i'm in now and do it...Maybe its a calling or i'm just having my midlife crisis at the young tender age of 25....

welcome home Ian...welcome to my weird twisted world where green is black and pink is pink...where lil men run along with prawns in their hand giving out random numbers and notes...where the full is never full...where nothing ever does make sense apart from the weird theory that mankind has set a long time ago...where words are not what it seems,like why can't water be fire and fire be water...why not apple for a pear and pear for an apple...
The bed is calling as my eyes get heavy as my soul begins to just float away but my mind stays up with a world of it's own...where i hear things that i myself can't understand...

Fish Bowl

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream

You
Soft and only
You
Lost and lonely
You
Just like heaven

For wishful thinking moments that makes my heart soft like a baby & fragile as glass..

Just goes to show how fragile we are...
So fragile we are, we just don't show it.

A Moment Of Truth For The 1st Entry Of 2009

Basically here's a serious note on a song that i kinda have looked deep into...
Just feel the deep words & writing of it rather then sing along to it like any other teenager around...mindless fucks they are....

Song: Sugar We're Going Down
Band: Fall Out Boy

This is what i feel for the song Sugar We're Going Down by FALL OUT BOY.....

To me, it's a song about fatal attraction. In the beginning of the song he’s in a graveyard lying next to a mausoleum, where she is buried. He asks her “Am I more than you bargained for yet? She only wanted a lover but he was mentally unstable and you can see it in the line “Cause that's just who I am this week”. He goes on to say how she saw him “a notch in your bedpost” but tells her what he made her into, nothing more than “a line in a song”.

While they were fooling around, him being the latest in a line of lovers, he asked her to divorce her husband. Divorcing her husband would break the husbands heart “drop a heart” and her last name would be changed back to the maiden name “break a name”.

“We're always sleeping in, and sleeping for the wrong team.” is his reflection that what they were doing was wrong in the first place because marriage is supposed to be sacred, thus they were “sleeping for the wrong team” They would sleep in late in the husbands bed, thus “we’re always sleeping in”

“Is this more than you bargained for yet” and “Oh don't mind me I'm watching you two from the closet” is where they were almost caught and he’s hiding in the closet.

Wishing to be the friction in your jeans” is just him wishing to be close to her. What’s closer than the jeans a woman wears? The friction between her and the jeans she wears, of course. (Unless you count underwear and even then, the friction between the underwear and skin is still closer)

“Isn't it messed up how I'm just dying to be him” is him realizing how wrong it is what they are both doing and how it’s messed up that he feels this way for a married woman.

“We're going down, down in an earlier round and Sugar, we're going down swinging”
Speaks of the argument that they finally have when he wants to become her only one. They fight about it and get physical and end up on the floor, wrestling with a gun.

“I'll be your number one with a bullet” is about him telling her about his plan to kill the husband with a gun so he can become her only one. When you love someone, they mean more than anything in your life, essentially number 1 in your life. The lover will become number one in her life with a bullet by killing the husband. Then the argument starts because she doesn’t want it that way.

“A loaded God complex, cock it and pull it” is him being ready like a loaded gun but it’s his “God complex” that will go off. “cock it and pull it” is him daring her to try him.

In a repeat of the chorus you hear “take aim at myself, take back what you said, take aim at myself” and the meaning behind this is him wavering between killing himself and shouting at her to take back what she said.

I Slept With Someone In Fall Out Boy And All I Got Was This Stupid Song Written About Me....maybe next time around it will be that song....

what's up 09.....