In bloom

***something from a few weeks ago written on some tissue paper that had to be here***

Only two days have passed since I began my vacation, and I’m already feeling mellow. My brain is slowing down, as I would imagine the molecules of freezing water slowing as they approach the tipping point between liquid and solid. Time is passing, but the firing of neurons in my head are becoming muffled, and so time is beginning to feel like something that happens to other people, but not to me. I am entering a kind of stasis. Its like I'm in state of nirvana a dream I don't want to wake up from

Part of me relishes this experience, and part of me is disturbed by it. While wallowing in the absence of any need to act, I am not yet entirely comfortable. Why is this? I know why. It’s because daily life in the city makes no room for mellowness, except grudgingly. You can make your own room for it, but in my case there’s a nagging fear that if I become completely mellow, I will be crushed like a line of ants in the path of a steamroller. While you meander at the pace of universal entropy, something or someone else is at the steamroller’s controls and doesn’t give a rat’s ass about your inner peace. The whole rat race in down town and up town is getting on me.

Is this a sickness or simply a clear-eyed recognition of the way the world works? How you are raised? Work and work be that someone? be that role model? be that manager in your customed tailored suit or be the next V.P by the age of 31 and the S.V.P by age 36? All stressed out and over worked dreaming of this kind of getaways that I'm experiencing at this very moment while I write this down, having a cold beer in my hand while she stares at me and all smiles. Her skin against mine as we lie many feet under the stars. Who would not want to be like this? Forever having this kind of life? If it get's hot we walk towards the sea and watch the waves go through our feet and a smile is all I need.

Which if you bring it back to the city it's just work and stress and growing at such a fast rate that even SKII won't be able to help you.

Where was I? Oh yeah, feeling mellow. I haven’t been listening to metal, because it has dawned on me that I have almost no metal that’s mellow. The only recent thing that comes to mind is Devin Townsend’s Ghost. I may listen to that. Surely I have something else that will suit my current mood, something that will ease my irrational worries and aid me in the honeyed slide into . . . mellowness. Do you have any ideas?

No radio friendly stuff but good music with good bands and not some produced just to make the quick buck and cover the recording process in the next couple of years.

That’s the question I’d like to ask. And come to think of it, there’s no good reason to confine this question to the state of life and what do we look for?

A cindrella story would be growing up poor and making big in a rock band and not forgetting your roots but yes the big BUT is we strife we fight we push all boundaries just to make that dead line or that fat fuck bastard sitting on the chair above you happy so he could use your hard work and claim it to another much more fat fuck above him. All that happens while you are there fighting making it real. Is that life? Is that what you studied your whole teenage life for? You should had just done all the pot,drugs and drank and make art and music and be who you want to be? No sucking up to fat Bob.

Just tell me this: — what do you listen to when you want to become mellow? Or when you’re already mellow, and you want to enhance the feeling of mellowness, when you want to push away the nagging anxieties of the daily shitstorm and simply be who you are, without interference from anything outside your mind. Do you push boundaries in your music realm or do you just settle for something easy going? I would get some whisky and coke and by the 6th pack I know for sure I'll be in a world of my own where the guitar would talk to me, where each beat each note, each riff is so crystal clear.

And by the way, if you get what you need in order to reach or enhance that state from music that’s a fiery maelstrom of end-of-the-world explosiveness, well, I’m not ruling that out either. So be there don't shy away don't be afraid or say another time, it's one go, times like that don't come always.

In which I have to add that I have been seeing a different side of life, which has made so happy and now I know it's not all about what I was chasing before this for. I will get it without daydreaming but living it and getting it.

Now going back to the stars and the sunshine and her beautiful smile.

I like vacations. First, there is very little working. Very little working is a good thing. I would be very happy with very little working from now until the end of time as I know it. Second, there is very much eating, drinking, and sleeping. These are also good things. I could do them until the end of time as I know it, until I become one of those people who gets so enormously fat and atrophied that emergency workers have to bust down the wall of the house and use a crane just to remove the corpse after the last filthy breath of life has passed the lips. But I stand strong and will never let myself evolve into a fat fuck what more a filthy fat fuck. I would make sure I do enough runs and work outs to be in shape. You don't want to be a fat person nude on the post mortem bed and the doctor doing the autopsy, laughs and say wow what a fatty. Think hard?

If I am a good boy and play my cards right, there may be loving activities with her in between bouts of eating, drinking, and sleeping. And, there will be beautiful clouds, of which I will remember for the rest of my life and appreciate it, some of which I will share with you, because having your head in the clouds is a good thing and should be experienced more frequently. Having that feeling waking up beside her also is just so magical and out of this world which at times when I'm having a smoke and my thoughts drifting away I wonder I might be in deep deep coma and this is me living the life I had always dreamed about.

So, with this post I bid you all a fond farewell. Before this day is out, I have winged my way to a distant land where life is sloooooow and there was eating, drinking, sleeping, clouds,sunshine, stars to stare for hours with her,so much love,skin,feelings and good times to carry forward into the future. This here is some write up from my recent getaway with her. There's another write up which I have to get her cellphone and I'll post it up in a couple of weeks time as I wrote down in her cellphone whereas this was written on tissue paper and some paper that the waiter used to take down orders. It's easy going and who needs a Ipad to write when you have paper and pen.